ONIONS ARE MY ENEMY

Last night my grandmother cooked and it was delicious. Right afterward I got the same headache that I had on Friday. I had to lie down cause it hurt too much. So then I started to think about what I had eaten. "I had raw onions....did I have raw onions on Friday? No.....I just got a sandwhich like I always do.....hold up no...I had an In n Out burger...with onions.....omg....why can't I eat onion?? I love onions....sad life." So I'm guessing I have some sort of an allergy or intolerance to onions. Whenever I have time I'll go to a doctor to make sure. I'll just avoid onions till then. ;___;

I'm doing studio work right now. I have picked my site and now I need to come up with a few diagrams for tomorrow. I would much rather be outside....the weather is really nice. Sometimes I wish I wasn't in this field.

What I had for lunch today. I could eat this everyday.

I made some Lotus leaf tea and I threw in some Chrysanthemum flower buds to make it more tasty because Lotus leaf tastes like crap.

We buy our teas from Wing Hop Fung in Chinatown (downtown los angeles). My dad and I make a trip once a month to stock up on different teas. My family drinks  A LOT of tea.

I recently bought this to try. It's called Genmai-cha and is a green tea which is mixed with roasted brown rice. Apparently it reduces the risk of cancer and tumors, lowers cholesterol and blood pressure, and fights bacteria and viruses! I hope it tastes good.

Hope you guys have an amazing week <3

UGHHH.

I just had a break down and I don't know what to do. I've been sitting on the floor and cried for the past hour. I am so unhappy. I am so incredibly unhappy and I don't know how to turn myself around. I miss him so much. I feel left behind. My sister is always occupied with her boyfriend and friends. I asked for her help a few weeks ago when I had another break down and she said she couldn't help me because she was tired. I can't talk to my parents because my mom is just not in a state to help anyone and my dad is overloaded with so many problems. I do talk to him whenever I'm sad...but I am sad all the time and I don't want to burden him. I don't know what to do with myself. I've been sad for so long and I don't feel any better. I've done nothing today. Just sat in my room. I tried to read, but I couldn't. Tried to fold some laundry....tried to do something productive. I just feel like crap. I feel so lonely. I am so tired. I am always on my own...always trying to fight for myself. But I'm tired.

Nothing is going well. I'm doing well in school, but otherwise, I just feel so alone. I have nobody to share anything with.  A friend of mine told me he liked me and then started acting weird and would tell others strange things about me that weren't true. Basically...people I held very close to me, aren't there anymore. I've become isolated and feel lost.

The person I love....my best friend, doesn't love me. I haven't seen him for months.

Whenever I was sad...whenever I needed to get away from home because of troubles with my mom, he would be there. He would pick me up from wherever I was and hug me and make me laugh. I knew I had somebody who stood up for me.

I don't know where to go now. I cry at nights when I'm in bed. I hug the crocodile he gave me and fall asleep. I have the happiest dreams and then I wake up and realize that nothing is like my dream and then I go to school.

I just want to be happy like everyone around me. I don't want to be a downer. I don't want to have a sad life. I just feel like....all these years....with all these hardships....I haven't had a moment of being completely happy. I want someone to care for me too....I am independent...but sometimes it just sucks.

I wish I had a girlfriend who would take me in and comfort me and make me watch happy movies or something fun. I have never had that...Guys don't understand. They just make me feel worse. I

I'm not sure what I'm writing. I just want this horrible feeling to leave me. It's starting to physically hurt me. I feel guilty for being so depressed....my life is so so good in comparison to others. I know that. So I feel guilt when I'm crying to myself. And that makes me more depressed. I feel weak and worthless.  I try to cheer myself up. I talk to myself and say 'don't cry..it's not gonna change anything'. I don't know what I'm doing.

Cheer Myself Up

Had a difficult week and I'm glad I can stay home now and do nothing (not really...I have a lot of work to do). Yesterday I had a really bad headache that lasted from noon till I went to bed. It was horrible...pulsating headache that would make me stop in my tracks. I have had bad headaches before, but this one just wouldn't leave me alone. My dad made my Armenian coffee (gross...coffee is just gross) cause sometimes that helps, but it didn't do anything. I tried to take a nap, but I couldn't. I ended up at my friend's house. She is a friend I don't see very often anymore, unfortunately. We hadn't seen each other in a few years and I called her up this week and we had sushi. She is leaving for school on Sunday, so I wanted to see her again before she left....who knows when we'll see each other again. We watched 12 episodes of The Office last night (season 7) and ate a lot of junk food. I went home with a bigger headache, but it was worth it.

When I got home, I felt empty. The house was quiet and I wanted to talk to someone. I thought...."What can I do to cheer myself up?" and I thought of watching The Office...but I was already tired from the marathon we had earlier. I decided to go to bed to avoid sad thoughts!

I woke up later than usual and I was relieved when I didn't feel the headache. I ate some breakfast with my grandmother. She was telling me how to shorten long dresses (I don't know why, but it was still interesting to listen to). Now I'm sitting in my room...trying to figure out how to tackle all the work I have. Gonna go run some errands for my dad soon.....I don't want to leave the house....But it's okay. It's good for me.

I hope you guys are having a good weekend. <3 Take care of yourselves.

PS PS PS PS!!!!!!!

I forgot to mention! After thinking about this for a very long time anddd discussing this with my cousin and a professor from school, I have decided to purchase a mac sometime in the near (very near...for my birthday) future! I have always had PCs....always always...and my HP has been a pain in the butt for a year and half. One by one it's functions would stop working. I have gotten it "fixed" numerous times, but it was not worth it. So! I emailed a professor at school and told him that I've seen that the majority of our professors carry around macs...."do they have them just cause they are pretty or do they do actual architectural work on them?" He wrote me a long email explaining his love for macs and that he uses them for work. Architecture students usually use PCs because the programs we use are made for PCs...so I have always been reluctant to even consider a mac. He told me I could partition my hard drive so I could run windows for my windows-based programs. I will be going to India in less than four months and I will be needing a good computer with me.

I have never owned an apple computer before. For those of you who have them...are there any tips/recommendations you could give me? I would really appreciate it~

OKAY! OFF TO RUN ERRANDS. <3

DUMPLING HEAVEN

I tried my best to finish all my work last night so I could hang out with my sister and friend today. We went to Monterey Park to eat dumplings at a place called Mama's Lu. Everything was delicious. We ordered way too much for just the three of us....When we got there, we were starving, so we were confident that we'd be able to finish everything. We were very wrong.

After eating, we drove to Downtown LA and Little Tokyo. Walked around the area and bought some sweets. Drove back to Burbank and and read for a few hours at Barnes. I left everyone a little later so I could go home and do some work.

I came home to this! Two sweaters from Zara. Can't wait for the weather to cool down a bit so I can finally start wearing thick and cozy clothes~!

I just finished some small details to my project for tomorrow's final. I am eerily calm about tomorrow. Maybe because I'm tired~ Time for bed~

I hope you guys have a good week <3