Time for myself, but I don't like it.

I drove up a near by "mountain" yesterday to take pictures for class. The scenery was very beautiful and I just stood there for a while looking. I never think of this place as beautiful....so much traffic and stress, but it's nice to know that when you climb up a little bit, you can escape it for a little bit. I wish I wasn't alone there though. It would seem like a good spot to relax on your own, but I wish I had someone with me. School yesterday wasn't too well for me. I felt like I had taken a step backwards and that it was just the beginning of the semester. It sounds odd. The semester is over in two-three weeks. I'm just not happy at the moment...I'm excited for school to be over...but I'm dreading August 25th, 2009, or whenever school starts again....I'm thinking ahead to when I'm gonna be unhappy again.

I'm at home now drinking tea. Trying to get ready to do some serious work for tomorrow. I am doing better now...still have a stuffy nose and sore thoat, but no fever!

Hope you are all doing well<3

I Have Become Comfortably Numb

I am sick once again. This time I had a pretty bad fever, but I am feeling a little better at the moment. I didn't go to school today and I am not going tomorrow. If this was a month or two ago, I wouldn't be okay with myself. School is incredibly important to me, but it has come to a point where I don't care as much. I still care about doing well, don't get me wrong, but....I am more important than school. My relationship with school has become something unhealthy, and I think it is time for me to not care as much. There are people in class...who get by, even though they don't do anything. I try so hard, but sometimes it doesn't matter. So it is time for be to not care. I don't care. I have a little bit left of this semester...it ends in May. I'm just gonna try to do my best...whatever happens..happens. So yeah...I got sick again. I was sick during my spring break (post below). I thought I got better...and then it just hit me again, but worse. I hope this is were it will end.

I am gonna try to post more often. I really miss it. When you are so into school, its hard to post...but I'm feeling optimistic today, so we'll see.

Bad luck comes my way

It is interesting how almost everything in my life can become stupid...I'm amazed sometimes by my bad luck. I was on spring break this past week...and I had so many plans! I wanted to start my hw early so I could relax and spend some time with friends and family that I don't get to see when I'm in school. Well, Friday before spring break was my presentation for our third project of the sememster, and after I got home...I just fell asleep cause I was so tired. I woke up with a fever and that was the beginning of my break. I was sick during the weekend and I was hoping that I would get better during the week so I could start my hw. But that didn't happen...I was just in bed the entire week. The weather was so nice too... On Thursday I started on some homework...I worked nonstop...all of friday and saturday too...so much crap happened over the weekend as well that I rather not mention...and now it's Sunday...and I am even more tired than before my break...

This is my crocodile...he is always with me when I am home.

I just don't know what to do with myself. I feel lame for being so negative...I have tried to think positively, but there are so many bad things happening that I feel like there is no way to stay happy~ I am sad...

I JUST WANT TO DREAM

I am so tired of everything. I have back pain, knee pain, head pain, and hand pain. I have cuts on my hands, burn marks, bruises on my legs and knees. I feel like I don't follow a normal pattern....I feel like I have fallen out of the loop. I feel distant from everyone. Haven't seen my friends in so long. I feel like a mess...I don't feel healthy and energetic anymore. Everything feels off...if that makes sense. I just live by due dates.....and its tiring....I don't feel happy. I can't wait till May......when this will be over with....I can't wait till summer...when I can soak under the sun...and regain my normal-ness......I'm sorry I don't blog so often....I realize it's been a while since my last post. I just don't get into the mood somedays....cause...once I finish my work for the day, I just want to fall into my bed and dream. I try to read your posts once a week....I want to see what you guys are up to~ I hope you are all well...and I miss you~