I have to make this private just in case. I don't know if you guys remember me mentioning this before....but for some time now...a couple of years, my mom has been through a lot. She has had back pain and arm pain and leg pain and a bunch of other stuff. We have taken her to USC and UCLA so she can been looked at by specialized doctors....she has tried many different medications....herbs...etc. I have always tried to encourage her to start excersizing....to be more active. She always says she will be more active, but that never happens. It is really frustrating....before, I would always get mad at her. I would ask her why she doesn't care for herself....why she doesn't want live a healthier lifestyle. I've know this for a while now, but I haven't told anyone before. A couple of months ago, she went to USC, and they told her that there is a high possibility that she might have Parkinson's disease. At first I was like..."no way...that can't be true"....but the more I observe her....the more I realize that it might be. Her movement is not as good as before. She does things very slowly and her right arm...is always shaking....the shaking is more severe when she is stressed out or sad. Her posture has become very bad...and she loses her balance a lot. She falls asleep by the dinner table....she forgets things....
I dunno what to think...this is such a blow....like..everything sucks. I am so extremely sad....I dunno how to express myself...I'm really scared. I've never had anything like this happen before...I mean....I've had close relatives and friends die....and I've been able to cope and handle the situation fairly well....but this. I don't want this to happen to my mom...Im so scared for her...I want my mom to be healthy...like everyone else's mom. I want her to live a happy and fun life....not a life with pain. I'm crying you guys....
I wish the invisible person I talk to at nights was real....I wish I had someone close...like very very close that I could trust completely with everything....I rarely speak of my feelings or emotions....not even to my sister who is the closest person in the world to me. I don't want her to know I'm sad...I'm the oldest one....I feel like I have a responsibility to take care of her. I'm am worried about my dad. He is what keeps our family together I think....he is a very wise and fair person....he is hardworking and always encourages us. I have no idea how he can keep all of this up. He is such a strong person....I'm afraid that he is gonna break down....eventually he will...and that scares me. I am always strong infront of my dad....he needs support...I can not be an extra weight for my him....I won't ever allow myself to be that...
I'm scared about the future. I'm scared....I don't want to see my mom get worse.
I don't look forward to anything anymore. Nothing interests me. Life sucks. I'm so scared.