First day of studio begins tomorrow. I will no longer be able to hide in my room. I will have to go out and face reality. It sucks when you feel like crap and are forced to get out there and socialize. My worries are that I will not be able to focus on school work because of how I'm feeling. I can't shake the sad feelings off. They are always there eating away at me. I don't want to see or talk to anyone. I just want to stay at home and be alone. A couple of weeks ago, I noticed that my left hand had freckle-like patterns on it. They appeared out of nowhere. At first I thought I had eaten something that my body wasn't used to and it was an allergic reaction. But they freckles didn't go away. Instead, they started appearing on my right hand as well, but not as much. I went to the doctor last week and he didn't know what it was. He thought they were sun spots and he ruled out fungus because of the pattern, but still wasn't sure. In the end he had no idea, so he took a bunch of photos and sent them to his friend who is a skin doctor. He wrote me a prescription of hydroquinone topical creme for me to use twice a day. I went home and googled the stuff and read that hydroquinone is used for skin whitening and skin depigmentation. I also read that it has some serious side effects. Apparently it is a potential carcinogen. I don't want this to develop into something more serious in the future, so I decided not to use it. After I settle in with my classes, my parents want me to get another doctor's appointment. It's come to the point were I don't even care what it is. I'm too upset with other things to care. If it's something bad, good. If it's nothing big, good.
I should head to my bed now. I hope I get to sleep a lot this semester. Good night~
How I have been feeling for the past two and a half months. Being sad doesn't go away. I'm gonna go eat some bread now.
