This weekend was really good. Lot's of family time. We were able to reconnect with each other...get even closer...it was nice. I am trying to be optimistic. Life is short and we should try to be happy as much as we can. I am very grateful to you guys....you're comments were really kind and positive and they made me feel...cared for...if that makes sense. All this crap that has been going on hasn't really allowed me to feel happy...but I'm glad that I am finally beginning to feel good again...mentally and physically. My foot is doing a lot better. I still have to wrap it, but the blue-ness is going away and it's not as swollen. I can walk on it just fine, but no running. I am taking good care of it...I am trying to take good care of myself. I wish I could give you guys hugs~
I'm scared
I have to make this private just in case. I don't know if you guys remember me mentioning this before....but for some time now...a couple of years, my mom has been through a lot. She has had back pain and arm pain and leg pain and a bunch of other stuff. We have taken her to USC and UCLA so she can been looked at by specialized doctors....she has tried many different medications....herbs...etc. I have always tried to encourage her to start excersizing....to be more active. She always says she will be more active, but that never happens. It is really frustrating....before, I would always get mad at her. I would ask her why she doesn't care for herself....why she doesn't want live a healthier lifestyle. I've know this for a while now, but I haven't told anyone before. A couple of months ago, she went to USC, and they told her that there is a high possibility that she might have Parkinson's disease. At first I was like..."no way...that can't be true"....but the more I observe her....the more I realize that it might be. Her movement is not as good as before. She does things very slowly and her right arm...is always shaking....the shaking is more severe when she is stressed out or sad. Her posture has become very bad...and she loses her balance a lot. She falls asleep by the dinner table....she forgets things....
I dunno what to think...this is such a blow....like..everything sucks. I am so extremely sad....I dunno how to express myself...I'm really scared. I've never had anything like this happen before...I mean....I've had close relatives and friends die....and I've been able to cope and handle the situation fairly well....but this. I don't want this to happen to my mom...Im so scared for her...I want my mom to be healthy...like everyone else's mom. I want her to live a happy and fun life....not a life with pain. I'm crying you guys....
I wish the invisible person I talk to at nights was real....I wish I had someone close...like very very close that I could trust completely with everything....I rarely speak of my feelings or emotions....not even to my sister who is the closest person in the world to me. I don't want her to know I'm sad...I'm the oldest one....I feel like I have a responsibility to take care of her. I'm am worried about my dad. He is what keeps our family together I think....he is a very wise and fair person....he is hardworking and always encourages us. I have no idea how he can keep all of this up. He is such a strong person....I'm afraid that he is gonna break down....eventually he will...and that scares me. I am always strong infront of my dad....he needs support...I can not be an extra weight for my him....I won't ever allow myself to be that...
I'm scared about the future. I'm scared....I don't want to see my mom get worse.
I don't look forward to anything anymore. Nothing interests me. Life sucks. I'm so scared.
NOLE WINS!
I slept at 4:30am last night! AUSTRALIAN OPEN FINAL!! It was so exciting! Both Tsonga and Djokovic played very well! I'm so glad Djokovic won!! YAY!~
| Novak Djokovic | 4 6 6 7 |
| Jo-Wilfried Tsonga | 6 4 3 6 |
Recovering from all this crap
Finally back home. I've slept over at my cousin's this week cause I can't drive to school. She has been kind enough to take me to school every morning. My foot is feeling a lot better, but it still hurts and is completely blue...and now the other side of my foot is turning blue as well....but it's getting better!! I'm doing these excersizes to strenghten my muscles...it helps the ankle heal faster. So...the Australian Open....haven't had a chance to write about the matches at all this time. Well, last night I watched both of the women's semi final matches. The first one was Sharapova vs. Jankovic and the second was Hantuchova vs. Ivanovic. Sharapova and Ivanovic won....so they will play for the title....tomorrow? I think it's tomorrow for us over here....hahaha I dunno....
The men's semi finals....Jo-Wilfried Tsonga beat Rafael Nadal last night ;___; I wasn't able to watch the game cause it was on really late. Today Federer is playing Djokovic!! This will be a really really really good match.....can't wait!!!!~ Whoever wins will play Tsonga for the title! EXCITING STUFF!!
